Acceptance

Yesterday I shared a brunch with my daughter, son-in-law, and his parents. It was so nice. I was so pleased at how well the in-laws seemed to accept and truly like my daughter and I loved how nice and gracious she was to them.


Which made me think.....why can't all relationships be like that? All anybody really wants in the world, I think, is to be accepted.

Which made me think of my Mom. She was a wonderful person in many ways, but she also never accepted any of my friends......Mary Ellen Fitzgerald, Lynette LaCavera, Pamela Hanes, Sylvia Ponce, Pamela Cross, and Nancy Holman. These were the people who were my best friends from age 5 through age 11, and Mom never accepted any of them. I remember really getting in trouble once over an incident with Nancy Holman. Mom and I were coming home from church and all of a sudden, out of the clear blue sky, I said, "Wouldn't it be neat if when we got home Nancy was there?" Well, guess what! When we got home, Nancy WAS there, lying on the living room floor, reading the comics. I was so delighted...and Mom was so annoyed. She accused me of setting up the visit with Nancy and nothing I could say ever convinced her that I had no knowledge of the fact that Nancy was coming over.


When we were going places I used to beg Mom to let a friend come along (mainly so I wouldn't be so bored and would have someone to play with), but Mom rarely ever gave her permission, and the few times that she did, it was quite clear to me that she was annoyed. Her attitude toward my friends made me feel horrible and guilty.


I swore that when I grew up that I would never do that to my child and I didn't. Our house was always open to her friends and whenever she wanted someone to come along, they were always welcome. I never once, not one single time, ever made her friends feel anything but welcome and accepted.

As I grew older into my teens, Mom never liked or accepted any boy I was dating. And her attitude toward my child's father was nothing short of horrible mental abuse. I was married to Valerie's father for over 17 years and there was not one single day that went by that Mom didn't have something derogatory to say about him. I used to beg her to stop! Please stop! But she never did.....never...... I truly believe that is one of the factors that broke my marriage up. I always used to think of my mother as "the destroyer", which is sad.

And then, a miracle happened. I started dating Tom. I warned him that my Mom would not like him.....but to my complete surprise and amazement, she LOVED him. And I mean from the very beginning she loved him. She told me once that if she could see me married to Tom that she could die happy. I couldn't believe my ears. I thought to myself, "Gee, I finally got it right."

Well, what a joke that turned out to be! Tom had me believing that he truly cared for my daughter.....and that turned out to be a lie. I knew that if he didn't start accepting her that I would not be able to stay with him, but of course, he died before that story was resolved.

Two things that are non-negotiable with me......any man in my life has to accept my daughter and my dogs. That was one of the first things I looked for when I began dating Kevin. Accepting my daughter was no problem for him....he warmed my heart by planning a special guest room for her and her husband whenever they came to visit, and by talking about how much he was looking forward to getting to know her. He has two children of his own and he is one of the best fathers I have ever known. He ACCEPTS his children's dreams, even though they are different from his own.

I wasn't as sure at first about my second non-negotiable item....the dogs. When I met Kevin I had three dogs....and I could tell at first that they annoyed him. I never pressured him on it because even I had to agree that three dogs was a lot, but I waited for him to decide if having me was worth it. The turning point came when we drove to New England to attend his sister's funeral. We took my little Maltipoo, Alex, with us and Kevin started really developing a relationship with Alex. And then there is Kyla, the German Shepherd. Dogs choose their human, and Kyla has chosen Kevin. She is with him now and never leaves his side. He takes her everywhere with him. At night she lies on his feet. Kevin is crazy about Kyla. He says that she is the gentlest dog that he has ever known. In other words, he has fully accepted my dogs. Not only accepted them but loves them. And before Sam died, Kevin was beginning to develop a good relationship with him as well.

So.....there you go. The greatest pain that a person can inflict upon another is not to accept them. And it's so easy to accept someone.....just be kind to them. If you love someone enough, you will accept the ones that they love too. If you don't, then you won't.

Opening Weekend of "Annie"

This was the opening weekend of the Theatre IV production of the play "Annie" and my grand-dog, Cody, played the part of Sandy. Isn't he beautiful?

The pictures here show him with his wonderful co-star, Sarah Day, who plays the part of Annie. She did a BEAUTIFUL job playing the role of Annie and it was just so COOL seeing Cody onstage. I was so proud of both him and my daughter (who trained him). Her company is called Impawsible Pups and she is just getting off to a wonderful start. I was at the show both Friday and Saturday nights and I enjoyed it equally as much each time. I also really liked it when after the play we went to see Cody and he was delirious with excitement at seeing me. I've always wanted to have a stage star be gaga over me and Cody fulfilled that dream. :)

What really made it nice was that my son-in-law's grandmother and aunt drove up from North Carolina Friday to see the play on opening night and then on Saturday morning his parents actually flew in from Minnesota to see the play. It was sooo nice to see all of them as they are such nice people.

I plan to be at the closing night performance as well, which is on May 17th. I think that will be kind of neat to have been able to be present at both the opening and the closing performances. But on closing night I won't have the pleasure of being with Han's family so that's kind of a bummer, but I am just so glad that they came in this weekend.

Happy Easter!

I know that Easter was actually on Sunday, April 12th, but it's never too late to wish that everyone has had a nice one! I always like to reflect on the meaning of Easter.....the resurrection of Christ....and when I really think about it, I think that Easter is the most joyous and important holiday of all. When I was younger, I used to have doubts...and sometimes those doubts still creep in....but then I think of the change in the attitude and actions of the disciples after they saw Christ alive again.

When Christ was crucified, the disciples were in despair. But after they saw Him, they became totally different people. From being scared little lambs, they became LIONS! What could have caused that change if they did not actually see Christ? I think that one change is what helped to sway me into thinking that perhaps the Resurrection really did happen. Peter changed from the man who was so scared that he denied three times that he knew Jesus, to becoming the rock upon which the Church was built. Same with the other disciples. They became willing to DIE for their beliefs (and many did). The more that I study the actions and attitudes of the disciples, the more I become filled with a sense of awe at what they must have seen and experienced.

Sometimes I am filled with the most wondrous sense of love......I remember once when I was in Church (back in the days when I went to church), I watched people going to take communion.....and the thought came into my mind that all were equally loved. That's why the words that Paul spoke to me the other day about God loving others as much as He loved him, resonated so much with me. I not only knew what he was talking about...I could remember FEELING what he was talking about.

One thing that I have been learning to do recently is to take my fears and my anxieties and to just turn them over to a higher power. I had to do that because there is one situation that is causing me so much worry and pain that I realized that I could not handle it by myself and I realized that there was nothing I could do to fix it and that's when I decided to try and "turn it over to the Higher Power" and try and stop worrying about it. That one act has brought me more peace than I have felt in months.

I hope that the peace and the promise and the hope that are represented in Easter bring peace and calmness to everyone's hearts. May all hearts filled with pain, anger, or despair, be filled with comfort.

If ya want luck, ya gotta THINK luck!

This is what one of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to know said to me today. His name is Paul. He is 94 years old, born in 1915 in Maryville (pronounced Mareville), TN, outside of Knoxville. I've been doing his taxes now for over 15 years. I just love this man!

Paul is one of the smartest men I've ever met! The youngest of NINE children, he was born in poverty. He remembers the bread lines from the Great Depression and he remembers how very, very difficult life was back then. His parents both worked for the sawmill in Alcoa.

Amazing that Paul grew up near Alcoa, because this man, who was born in poverty, grew up to be one of the Vice-Presidents of Reynolds Metals, which was taken over by Alcoa. During his career, he was sent to become the President of one of Reynolds Metals subsidiaries which was losing a lot of money, with the instructions to either "get it to turn around or liquidate it!" Well, within two years, this subsidiary was in the black! And this was after the IRS came in two months after Paul took over with criminal charges against the former officers and a fine of more than half a million dollars!

After that success, Paul was sent to the Middle East, where he said that he was privliged to call Anwar Sadat (former President of Egypt, who was assassinated) as a personal friend. He's been to the palaces in Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Kuwait....met with the leaders...dined with them, laughed with them....was a WONDERFUL representative for America because they ALL liked him and talked with him about many personal things. When Paul arrived in Egypt, it was mostly an ally with Russia mainly because we would not let them have money to build. With efforts from Paul, and the friendship that he forged with Sadat, things began to turn around.

He said that he also liked King Hussein of Jordan. They went for a ride one day, and the King was thanking him for his efforts. They came to a bridge, and the King handed Paul a pair of binoculars and said, "I want to show you something." From the bridge's vantage point, Paul could see the barrels of the Israeli guns pointed at him. He said that really gave him a weird feeling, because Paul was friends with the Israelis as well.

Paul gives most of the credit for his amazing successes for his attitude! He said that whenever he was down, he would just "think" himself up.....and keep on trying! He said that he also learned to try and never harbor hatred or resentment, because those emotions just get one down. He said that if someone hurt him, he would let that person know, and if the person apologized, that they would then talk, and most of the time the resentment that he was feeling toward that person would go away. He said that he learned to look upon ALL people as children of God, and that he had to remember that God loved the person who was mean to him or hurt him as much as he loved HIM! Paul said that always put a different perspective on how he viewed the world.

I told him the mantra that I had come up with recently (more about that in another post) and he thought that it was WONDERFUL!!!! He said, "YES...you have learned the secret!"

When I first met Paul, I was scared to death....he was such an influential, prominent person and I had no idea why he had asked ME to do his taxes. But he liked me immediately...but was also a shrewd businessman. He told me that after I had done his taxes, he had one of the most prominent tax attorneys in the city review them (I'm glad that I didn't know that or I would've fainted), and that the tax attorney gave me flying colors...said he couldn't have done a better job himself. And then the second year I knew him, I had to represent him before the IRS in a very comprehensive audit.....and we passed that one too. WHEW!!!!

Paul has always loved putting down a helping hand to reach out to help others succeed. He has helped so many people! I never, ever get tired of hearing his stories! Can you see why I just LOVE this man!!!

Remembering Valerie Lyn

One of the most important and loving relationships I've ever had, happened with someone whom I never got to know.....my first child, Valerie Lyn.

It was December of 1969, and I was the picture of health. I was six months pregnant with my first child and I remember walking along the streets of Silver Spring, MD....just feeling WONDERFUL and rather smug as well. Because I had been having a perfect pregnancy. No morning sickness, no feeling bad....nothing wrong whatsoever. My baby was due in early March and I was so happy and excited at the thought of meeting the baby. (Back then there wasn't a way of finding out what the sex of the child was, so even though I "knew" that it was a girl, to be on the safe side, I referred to the baby as "Little It."

But then came what I refer to as my own personal "Pearl Harbor". Because on Dec 7, 1969, I began to have some pains that I took to be gas pains...and I kept trying to alleviate them. But they kept getting worse....and then I discovered that they weren't gas pains at all, but labor pains. I had been in labor for most of the day and didn't know it. I got to the hospital just in time, because within 30 minutes, Valerie Lyn, made her entrance into the world. She was quickly rushed off by a nurse to be put in an incubator so I did not get to hold her. She weighed two pounds and had a head full of dark hair and big blue eyes. I remember when I was able to look at her through the glass of the nursery, she gave a little yawn, and I fell totally and completely in love with her. She seemed to be doing fine....the biggest concern was hyaline membrane disease, but she did not have that. I longed to hold her, but back then, the belief by the medical community was that the babies should not be touched at all because of the fear of germs.

After I was released from the hospital, I visited her twice a day....always looking with longing through that glass window. I could hardly wait until I would be able to hold her. She was hooked up to a lot of IV's, but she was doing fine.

But then, on the 5th day, she began to fail. Each day she got a little worse until she finally drew her last breath on Dec 14, 1969. The whole time, I was never allowed to hold her. When I got the call that she was dying, I rushed to the hospital thinking that I would be allowed to hold her, but when I got there, she had already died, and her body had already been taken away.

I was only 19 years old myself, and I didn't know what to do. I just know that I am now 59 years old, and I know that I have never, ever, ever, felt such grief or pain in my life as I did then. It is said that losing a child is the greatest pain a person can go through, and I believe it. It doesn't matter if that child is 50 years old or 1 day old....the pain is the same. With an older child, at least the person has memories to hold onto.....but with Valerie Lyn, all I had was the loss....the loss of love, the loss of dreams...the loss of what could have been.

I don't know how I made it through the next year....I was in shock...I felt as though I had an unending ache in the center of my being. I saw a picture of myself taken that Xmas at my sister's house, and I didn't even look like myself. The grief was etched into my face even though I was smiling. I couldn't go to baby showers....I couldn't do that for the next 16 years, not until my present daughter was born. It just hurt so much.....I had two more failed pregnancies between the birth of Valerie Lyn and the birth of my daughter, Valerie.

Each failed pregnancy made the weight on my soul heavier and heavier and I pleaded with God to PLEASE let me have a baby. I remember that back then there were 3 of us who were desperately wanting a child.....Connie Chung, Liza Minelli, and me. Of the 3 of us, I was the only one whose prayer was granted. I wish that all of our prayers had been granted, but I was sure thankful that mine was. I've sometimes wondered why. I didn't have the money for any special procedures. But I did have faith. I remember that I stopped begging and pleading with God,and instead, I began thanking Him every day for the wonderful gift that He was going to give me. I put up a picture of a nursing mother with a baby on my refrigerator and every day I would stare at it and say, "Someday that is going to be me."

Words can not even begin to describe the absolute joy that I felt when my baby was finally placed into my arms. It was the culmination of 16 years of prayers and hopes. And I am still so very, very grateful that my prayers came true. My daughter, Valerie, brought back a poignant moment for me because like her big sister, she was born with a head full of dark hair and big, beautiful blue eyes. I still remember Valerie Lyn, and I shall always, always love her.

It is said that for everything there is a reason. I don't know what the reason was for the oh-too-brief life of my first child....but I have faith, just like in the Serenity Prayer. I felt tremendous pain and tremendous sadness, but I never once lost my faith. And I am grateful beyond words that I was finally blessed with my present Valerie. She probably gets tired of hearing me say this, but it's true....I told her that in all the history of the world, there was never a baby MORE wanted than she was. I was willing to concede that I am sure that there were many who were AS wanted....but there was never a baby who was wanted MORE. And for this, I am forever grateful.

Return from Myrtle Beach

On Sunday morning, April 5th, I reluctantly began to pack and get ready to leave my beautiful condo. It had been such a relaxing few days that I wanted to extend that feeling of peacefulness for as long as possible. So after checking out of the condo, I went across the street to a little pancake house and enjoyed a Belgian waffle, bacon, and scrambled eggs while reading my book.

I just did not feel like dealing with Interstates, so even though it was a few hours longer, I decided to go home via Rt 17, and I'm glad that I did! At first Rt 17 stays pretty near the ocean and when I was about an hour north of Myrtle Beach, I saw a sign that said Topsail Island. That name sounded very familiar to me so I decided to take a short detour and explore it. I wish that I had some pictures to show, but I don't. There is a quaint little drawbridge that connects the mainland with the island and the island itself has a very relaxed feel to it. There are lots of beach houses and several very charming little shops as well as the "to be expected" seafood restaurants.

When I got home and was talking to my daughter, to my delight I learned that the beachhouse that her husband's family inherited from his grandfather actually sits on Topsail Island. Now is that cool or what? Now, whenever she and her husband go there, I will actually be able to picture in my mind what their location is like. I told my daughter that she is going to love being there. I hope that they get some time this summer to go. If they'd like they can invite dear ole Mom to come along (HA HA!). (Only so they'll have a dogsitter for Cody while they walk the beach or go out to dinner.) ;)

As I was driving through the beautiful eastern part of North Carolina on Rt 17, the song, "Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the morning" kept running through my mind. I passed by some really pretty towns and lakes. New Bern, NC, in particular stays in my memory.

I think that everyone should sometimes take a detour from Interstates and drive through the countryside. It is sometimes a delightful surprise as to what they will find.

Serenity Prayer

I learned today that the "Serenity Prayer" that we all know and love is actually an abbreviated version of the original. I thought that I would post the Full Original Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

It goes like this:

God, give us the grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at at time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

The intention of the Serenity Prayer is to bring peace, faith, and certainty to the mind and
heart of those seeking God's support. It asks God for the wisdom and ability to gracefully accept "what is" (what cannot be changed) and for the willingness to manifest, with God's support, that which is in one's highest good. (Courage to change the things which should be changed).

The Serenity Prayer acknowledges that if one seeks true peace and happiness in this life and beyond, it is important to consciously live and enjoy one's life in each moment; embrace ones' struggles and challenges; accept the world as it is, not as we would will it to be; and trust in God and surrender to God's Will thereby uniting our will with His.

I found this on the website http://www.thevoiceforlove.com/serenity-prayer.html and I thought that I would pass it on.

Remembering Sam

When I first met Sam, I had no idea how much he would come to mean in my life. He came jogging up to the house one day, looking for food. Since I can never say no to a hungry animal, I fed him.

He was wearing an orange hunting collar so I figured that when he left he was going back home. But then he showed up again and again. Finally he stopped showing up. About six weeks went by, and all of a sudden, there he was again.

My daughter and I had named him Sam. This time we decided that we would try and find the owner and we went from door to door to door trying to see if anyone knew who he belonged to.

Nobody did....so we started letting Sam come into the house since the weather was getting cold.

I refused to call Sam "My dog" for two main reasons. First and foremost, I still figured that he had to belong to someone....after all he had been gone from our house for six weeks and certainly had stayed well fed, and secondly because we already had other dogs at the time. But he was nice and polite so he was always a welcome guest. I began to notice that his ears were bothering him, so one night I very politely asked him if he would mind if I swabbed out his ears. (Meaning please don't bite me if I check your ears). He seemed to say ok, so that is what I did...I cleaned out his ears. He was a trooper through it all....and he didn't bite me.

Sam started staying at our house more and more. He was a great watch dog. Sam was the only dog I've met that had a specific "people" bark....meaning that if there was a certain tone in his bark, I knew there were humans outside.

He also had a specific "Poop" bark, meaning that I had better let him outside so he could do his business. But still, Sam was not our dog.

Until one day.....I was about a mile from home when I received a frantic phone call from my daughter saying, "Mom, Sam's been shot!" I hurried home as fast as I could and I will never forget the sight that greeted me. My daughter was kneeling over Sam who was prone on the ground. I thought at first that Sam was dead....but when I got closer, I saw that he was lying there. My daughter petted him to comfort him, and bless his heart, as much pain as he was in, he wagged his tail. We immediately took him to the emergency vet who took X-rays and told us that Sam would have to lose his leg as the bone was just too shattered to fix. The next day we took him to our regular vet who performed the surgery. Sam was sooo sick....and he could barely move. After he recuperated and after a $900 vet bill, I decided that he was MY dog and if someone ever came to claim him, they would have to pay me for him. Over the following month, Sam was neutered and to our dismay we found that he had heartworms and so we started treatment for him. For one whole month he was one sick doggie.

But he recovered. I'll never forget the day he learned how to get up on the couch with just three legs. He had been trying for a while and just couldn't master it. But he kept trying. I shall never forget the look of satisfaction on his face when he succeeded.

Over the next six years, Sam became an indispensible part of the household. Whatever room we were in, he was in. He was happy as long as he was with all of us. He especially liked my future son-in-law, which gave him a big vote of confidence in our eyes. Sam loved nothing more than riding in the car. I have a PT Cruiser, which I call my "Dog-mobile" since the back seat is let down so the dogs have a comfortable bed in the back. Sam LOVED being in there. He went all over the country with me. From Maine to Minnesota to Arizona and back. I loved how he made me feel safe because if anyone got too close to the car he would give them a warning to "Back off".

It was on a trip to visit my daughter in North Carolina that the unthinkable happened. Sam had been happy all day. He visited my daughter at her dog school and he just was sooo happy! I put him back in the car and when I got back to the motel, I opened the door to let him out, and to my shock and utter disbelief, he was drawing his last breath. There was NO warning!!! Nothing to indicate that he was ill. I felt as though I had been punched in the stomach by life. I was just glad that my daughter got to be with him on his last day.

Everyone who knew Sam will remember him. He was just that kind of dog. Quiet and unassuming at times, but who somehow managed to wiggle his way into loving hearts. My life was so blessed for having had Sam in it for six years. Longer than that when you count the time that he hung around the house before he became officially our dog. I feel grief, but mostly I feel gratitude that this wonderful being gave his heart and his love to us. We shall remember Sam always.

Inside the Condo

Here are a few views from inside the condo. The picture to the left shows my bedroom. That is not a mirror in there....that is the floor to ceiling window reflecting the images like a mirror would. If you look closely you can see the lights of the city shining below.

The picture above the bedroom is a luxury that I look forward to every day....my own private jacuzzi! That thing is NICE!!!!

And the picture on the top shows the opening to the balcony. It was a grey, rainy day when I took that picture so there is not much to see beyond it, but at least it will bring back memories for me.

Although I will be glad to return to Richmond tomorrow and get to be with my dogs again, I will also be sad to leave this very beautiful spot. But that is what makes it special. Oh! And I will also be glad to see my beautiful daughter, handsome son-in-law, and special furry grandchild, Cody, as well as my friends. A big "Hi" to Veronica! It was nice talking with you today.

Pier 14

If anyone reading this gets a chance to go the Grand Strand at Myrtle Beach, please have at least one meal at "Pier 14". The setting and the food are just wonderful!

I am showing three different views of it. The one on the top shows the restaurant at eye level....the one in the middle shows the view from the balcony of my condo during the day and the one to the left shows the view from my condo at night. Notice the long pier jutting out from it heading right over the ocean. That is a wonderful place to walk in the mornings and just reflect as one stares out over the ocean.

Sea Glass Tower

Here I am....in Myrtle Beach! The tall blue building shown in the picture above is the Sea Glass Tower. It is 20 stories tall and I am on the 19th floor! And it is GORGEOUS! I have never in my life been privy to such a stunning view as I have here.

When I walked into the condo, it was twilight and the lights from the city were just coming on. The walls of the condo are glass from floor to ceiling so when I walked in, all I could see was the ocean and the beach in front of me and to the right side of me I could see the entire Grand Strand. All I could think of to say was, "Oh my God!!!" It truly rendered me speechless and that in itself was a feat!

It has just been total relaxation here...I do whatever I want to do and go whereever I want to go, which hasn't been to very many places....since the only thing I have really wanted to do is to just stay in the condo and admire the beautiful scenery surroundng me. HOWEVER, yesterday I did do something that I had long wanted to do and that was to go bungee jumping! What a hoot! It was different than what I had expected....it all happened so fast I hardly had time to think...but it was really fun!

Once a day I meander down to Pier 14 for lunch out on the ocean and read a book and relax. Pier 14 is that little brown building with the pier sitting in front of the Sea Glass Tower with the red and white flag in front of it. They serve delicious seafood soup and sandwiches in there and I just love spending a relaxing time there.

I also love walking the beach in the mornings. The first day I was here it was raining too hard...in fact it rained all day, but since then I have walked every day just enjoying the ocean breeze and the peacefulness. I love watching the people on the beach, I love watching the birds, and I love the sounds of the ocean. I keep my balcony door open all the time so that I can always hear the waves. Today a flock of pelicans flew by at eye level to my balcony. How beautiful they looked!

This is the first time I have come to Myrtle Beach and not gone to a lot of shows. I think that I've been to every major show here. My favorite by far is Dolly Parton's show, the Dixie Stampede. You get to eat dinner with your fingers and watch a great show as well. I was tempted to go this time as well, but decided I just wanted this trip to be me, the ocean, the beach, and the view. It has been soooo relaxing! I wish for a time like this for everyone.