Rose Ranch

This past Thursday and again today I drove out to the Rose Ranch. On Thursday the class was doing some tracking and I just watched and had fun walking with the dogs to the various tracks. Kyla got really excited when she saw the horses! To my amazement she wanted to herd them. But I do have one question.....why oh why do dogs think that horse poop is a rare delicacy?

Today was fun too! No dog work.....I went out to the ranch so that I could visit with May, Tom's significant other. She is sooo pretty and so nice! The story behind her and Tom is pretty neat. Now May had been in a very abusive marriage, so she got divorced. Her best friend decided to attend the Tom Rose school and she called May (who was living in Michigan) and told her, "You have GOT to come down here and meet this man! He is so nice!

So......May drove down there....spent a week....she and Tom had a BLAST and then she went back to Michigan. The following weekend Tom flew up to Michigan and told May to pack her bags and come down to Missouri to live with him. Talk about a WHIRLWIND courtship!

And May did just that.....and they've been happy ever since.

She said that they've only been apart for two nights since she moved down there and that was when she went to Tennessee for the funeral of one of her best friends grandmother. When she told me the details of it, I cracked up....and then said, "I must be a sick person." She laughed and said that everyone who has heard about it has had laughter as their first reaction. Anyway, the Grandmother was 99 years old.....one of those old time traditional Southern ladies....and when Obama became the Presidential candidate....she announced to the world that if America ever elected a Black President....it would be the death of her! Well, wouldn't you know it....two days before the Inaugauration, the Grandmother died. The family likes to tell everyone that Obama killed her. :)

The pictures on here are of Tom's ranch. I LOVE his new sign.....it wasn't there last summer.

The one with Kyla sticking her head out of the window was so that I could show the cars of the class parked out there for the tracking and the other picture was just part of his ranch. Tom raises cattle and Paso Fino horses, which are renowned for their easy gait.

Tom Rose School...Wednesday, Feb 25, 2009

Today was another wonderful day although Alex embarrassed me at first! We started off with Canine Good Citizenship tests and I was asked to be one of the people that works the dogs. Since Alex couldn't come with me, I almost just put him in a down stay, but I wasn't 100% sure that he would stay, so I attached him to a chain on the wall. For the first minute he was good, but then this little whimper started. I tried to ignore it and kept hoping that he would quit, but that whimper slowly got louder and louder and finally Jeff (the instructor) asked me to leave and deal with Alex. Oops! :( Heck, I should've just put him in a down stay or a sit stay because as you can see by the pictures, he was PERFECT. I did everything I could think of to distract him to see if he would move, and he didn't. He thought about it a couple of times, but one no, no, from me and he stayed put.

Next we started doing detail work on the forced retrieve. This is important for the working dog to learn if he is going to be hunting or in therapy work. Or for just plain fun tricks for your pet. Why is the forced retrieve so important? First, it teaches the dog that you are the boss, and secondly it teaches him that he has to pick up and bring articles to you in the order that you command him to and without dropping or damaging them.

After the forced retrieve, seven of us went to lunch at St. Louis Bread Co. (which is called Panera Bread in most of the country) and I really had a nice time.

After lunch we started protection work and I was able to start Kyla, the German Shepherd, in some very beginning exercises, and she was MAGNIFICENT!!! I couldn't believe it! The beginning exercise was to tie her to a two foot chain on a wall and start swinging a toy or ball just out of her reach. At first Kyla looked at me as though I had lost my mind and she just sat there. I finally said to her, "Kyla, you have the blood of champions running through your veins....I KNOW that the instinct is there". Finally she started lunging against the chain to reach the toy.

The purpose of swinging the toy just out of her reach is to build up her frustration levels and to get her to bark and get very determined. And man, did she ever! Once she reached that point, then I let her "win" and be able to grab the toy. And did she ever grab it! Wow! And her bark was unbelievable! I praised her greatly when she grabbed it and then we started the whole game over again. We didn't play for very long because I was able to see that she was starting to lose interest, so I stopped.

The picture on the top left shows some of the criteria for passing the school. I have to click on the picture to make it large enough to read but it's quite impressive! We did beginning narcotics work today also. Kyla and I just watched, but it really looked like fun. The dogs were sent chasing after a ball that had the scent of cocaine on it (pseudo-cocaine that smells like the real thing) and then the ball was trapped under a box, and the dogs had to figure out where the ball was and try to reach it.

Thus ended another day at Tom Rose where I left and went to Culver's (where else) for dinner.

Right now I'm trying to persuade myself to do a load of laundry. Tomorrow we meet at Tom's ranch in the morning for some tracking work. I think that I'll try a little bit of it with Kyla and Alex and see how they do.

Tom Rose School....Tuesday, Feb 24, 2009

Lectures, Obedience, Forced Retrieves, Lunch, Tracking and Protection....OH MY! What a busy day it was today. And look at my beautiful Kyla doing a sit stay. She was soooo good! I had her near the door and there were people and dogs coming and going and she didn't budge. I was so proud of her!

The picture above that shows my cute little Alex running through a series of jumps getting ready for agility. (Notice that he jumped over the low part.....lol....my Alex ain't no dummy!) I wish that I could've been able to take some pictures of him climbing the ladders and running through the tunnels, but things were just moving too quickly, and the picture above that shows the class working on tracking. Kyla and I sat on the hillside and watched.

The picture on the top left shows Kyla watching intently as the class practices the forced retrieve and the picture on the top right shows the class working on obedience exercises.

I had such an enjoyable day! Lunch was GREAT!!! There were five of us who went to a place that is popular with the locals called PEGGS, and I had a delicious roast beef sandwich along with some very interesting conversations. Everyone was soooo nice! And they really did their best to get me to stay for the rest of the semester, but I just can't. Besides, they are already way beyond my present abilities. I wonder what it is that Tom sees in me because he keeps telling me that I am a "natural" at this. And he really doesn't say that to many people. It makes me feel good, that's for sure. I really think it's because I read the dogs so well.

Anyway, the lecture this morning was interesting because Tom talked about starting your own business. He gave ideas on where to locate, how much room is needed, how to get clients, and how much one should expect to make in the dog training business. For example, a person who starts out at a salary for a company should expect to make about $35,000 per year. A person who works for salary plus commission should expect to make about $50,000 per year and for the person who goes into business for him/herself, the sky is the limit! The idea that I liked the best was to rent a space for an evening in a place that would otherwise be vacant, such as a Knights of Columbus or a VFW building and hold a free clinic. He said that after the free clinic one should expect at least half of those attending to become training clients.

Kyla and Alex were absolutely pooped by the end of the day! When we got back to the motel, they jumped on the bed and fell fast asleep. It was truly a nice day!

Preamble

Let me start out by saying that today was really a great day! But now, for some truth. The main reason I didn't post much last week was because I realized that I had made a mistake in thinking that I could just breeze into the school for two weeks every other month and expect to finish. There is just too much going on and when I arrived at the campus last Tuesday morning I felt like a total interruption (even though I really wasn't....I just felt like it) and I wondered "What in the heck am I doing here?" I mostly just watched because I felt totally lost.

Last week was what I'll call my "jumper cable" week. I realized SO MUCH as to what was truly going on last year. And once I processed it all, I realized that I should never have started Tom Rose last year because I just wasn't ready. I could not focus on anything and I had no drive. I realize now it was because I was depressed, but I didn't realize it while it was going on. People kept telling me to not travel around so much, and on that part I really disagree with them because traveling around is how I begin to process traumatic events that have happened to me. For example, traveling to the Outer Banks last year was VERY good for me. No doubt about it! But starting a whole new MAJOR project such as the Tom Rose School was something that I should have waited to do.

While watching last week, I realized that things that were just too difficult for me to do this past summer, really were not difficult at all. It was just because I couldn't focus. Last week I realized so many things. I realized that depth of the shame I felt about husband Tom and I realized the depth of the many wrongs I have inadvertently done to my daughter. Last week was not fun at all, believe me!

I talked with Tom Rose about some things, such as feeling so ashamed of not finishing his course and he was wonderful! He said that no one is a quitter who keeps trying. And although he figured that the two weeks every other month wouldn't work, he didn't want to discourage me from trying. He absolutely wants me to come back to the school for the next semester (at no charge!) and try again. And I know that in my heart that until I successfully finish this course I will be crippled....because for the rest of my life I will feel shame in not finishing it. I know that I'm ready for it now. Today proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. My whole attitude was different. Plus I know that I should have several more years of being able to teach part-time (I absolutely don't want to work full-time anymore or be beholden to anyone), but even part-time teaching (12 hours per week) should give me an extra $20,000 per year which I can use for vacations or extra stuff. I really need to do this.

This past week was also a very healing week. It's weird, but until last week I could never think about husband Tom without feeling pain, pain, and more pain. And for some reason (thanks be to God), the pain has gone into the background. I'm truly, truly ready to move forward now. And I've got the blessing of seeing my daughter happy in her endeavor, and the blessing of being loved by a really, really good man. There is no room for pain in my life anymore and for that, I am very grateful.

The large picture on the bottom is of the main training building, and the picture on the top left is of the inside of the small training building and the picture on the top right is of the outside of the small training building.

Looking forward to tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week at Tom Rose. The school week runs from Tues-Sat so for the past two days I've been left to my own devices. I slept late this morning...woke up around 6 AM, decided to see if I could sleep anymore and next thing I knew it was 8:30!

Today went by really quickly! And I did something that I never thought would be possible! I totally forgot that the stock market was open and didn't even think about it until almost 11 AM Eastern time.....which turned out to be unfortunate because I missed the opportunity to make a quick $1000 flip. Ah well, such is life. For the next four days I won't have the chance to watch the market so it'll just have to do whatever it's going to do. Which recently has meant going down, down, down. Which means that there are a lot of incredible opportunities out there.

The dogs were so good. I took them on a 30 minute morning walk and they stayed quiet the rest of the day. Because they had been so good, I took them for an hour walk at Fenton City Park in the afternoon and they loved it! But first, since I had not eaten yet, I took myself to Culver's for a sourdough Tuna Melt complete with onion rings and then a scoop of the Custard Flavor of the Day which was Peanut Butter Dream. Oh why, why, why can't Richmond have a Culver's?

A Change in Plans

Today turned out differently than I had thought that it would. I had thought that I'd be visiting Tom Rose and May at their farm, but we had to reschedule. Seems as though St.Louis had a Mardis Gras last night (doesn't St. Louis know that Mardi Gras means "Fat TUESDAY"), but anyway, it seems as though May overindulged and was sick as a dog this morning and still had a splitting headache this afternoon and so I told Tom to not worry about it, that I'd get out there one night this week. So, instead I went over to the campus and let the dogs play and run in one of the fenced in fields. I also took some pictures and hung out with a few of my former classmates who were still there.

On Tuesday, Tom, Jeff, a few others and I are going to lunch, so that will be fun. And I was VERY relieved to learn that all of Tom's medical tests turned out ok. He had spent the day on Friday at the hospital having all kinds of different tests.

I haven't written much about my first week here in St. Louis, and I probably won't. It's basically the same thing day in and day out, so I thought that I would post about the coming week in detail now that I have the pictures taken. That way I won't get bored nor bore anyone else. :)
One thing that happened that I thought was REALLY sweet is that last Tuesday, my first day back, there was a sign put up in the main training building that said, "Welcome Juanita!" I was so touched.

I have gotten to know myself better this past week. For example, I am really glad that I put into words some of the things that I had been feeling about my husband Tom. (There are two Tom's....husband Tom and Tom Rose....so I have to differentiate between the two). Putting those feelings into words was a great catharsis for me and I actually feel better now than I have in ages. It's time to put aside all past bad memories and look to the future. And I have so much to look forward to.....one main thing watching my daughter start her business. I absolutely have no doubt that she will succeed. I will let new, good memories replace the old, hurtful memories and I believe that is a much healthier way to live.

Ted Bundy

I have noticed that the blogs that I enjoy reading the most are the ones that give personal insights. Those are also the ones that are most helpful at times. So, after much soul searching, I have decided to write about this on my blog. My fervent hope is that someday another woman who has been through a similar experience will read this and know that she is not alone.

I just finished reading the book, "The Stranger Beside Me", by Ann Rule. That book affected me in ways that I could never imagine. What help and insights and comfort it gave me to my own personal nightmare.

The night before Ted Bundy was executed, he called his mother and told her that "the Ted Bundy you knew also existed." And he admitted that there was a part of him that people didn't know. Well, that sure was true. None of Ted's friends ever dreamed in a million years that he was a killer.

And this is where my story begins. Ted Bundy looked like a very nice, warm human being. He had a wonderful smile and EVERYBODY, and I do mean that everybody liked him. There was nothing, nothing, nothing to indicate the demon who lived inside him. His longtime girlfriend absolutely ADORED him, and even after she went to the police with suspicions about Ted, due to how much he looked like the composite photograph, she quickly changed her mind and thought that no way could the killer be Ted.

Ted was able to tell women what they wanted to hear....and he had the knack for getting them to think that there was a spiritual connection between them. He felt closer to women than he did to men. And I sure know what that was like, because I, like Ted's girlfriend, fell under the spell of a man with demons as well. My late husband, Tom, had many demons. No, he was not a serial killer, but he liked to look at pictures of little girls. (I did not find out that fact until after his death). As far as I know, he never molested any, but I can't be really positive about that because once he was telling me about this man who had been accused of molesting a girl and got admitted to a mental hospital. I asked him, "Didn't he get arrested?" Tom answered "No". And I replied, "Well, I think that people like that should be shot!" The look of shock on Tom's face when I said that has always made me wonder (once I found out about his proclivities) if he had been speaking of himself.

Tom also was a voyeur who had a need for excessive pornography and tried his best to get me to agree to have relationships with strangers so that he could watch. I never agreed, and so on the night that he died....thirty minutes before he died, in fact....I learned that he was having an affair with a woman who agreed to his requests.

I had thought that maybe she was just a sex companion, but learned after Tom's death that she had become much more than that. I managed to listen to the voicemails that she left him (on a secret second phone that he had obtained), and once I listened to her messages, I felt so sorry for her. She told him over and over again how much she loved him and that she couldn't live without him. But I also envied her because she would always be able to grieve over Tom as a person should grieve. I was robbed of that....which is the greatest pain of all.

Because I had truly loved Tom with all my heart. He was my "soulmate" or so I truly believed.

When I met him, every single dream of romance that I had ever had came true. The pain of knowing that all of that was built on a lie is unbearable at times. That's why reading this latest book really helped me. Everything that Ted Bundy did in a relationship, Tom also did in a relationship.....and Ted fooled EVERYBODY!!!!

My Dad always said that a normal person can never really understand the abnormal mind. And that sure is true, because try as I might, I could never comprehend how something I believed in so much could be false. Was I really such an idiot? This book helped me to see that there is a certain type of man who doesn't really have the feelings of a normal man, but knows how to PRETEND to have the feelings so well that he fools everyone. And the last words that Ted said to his mother where he told her that the Ted she knew also existed, also helped me. Because maybe the part of Tom that I so desperately loved really did exist, somewhere inside him anyway. Because had I known what secrets Tom held...the voyeurism.....the attraction to little girls....I would NEVER, EVER have fallen in love with him. NEVER!

I know exactly what Ted's girlfriend, Meg, was going through. There is the absolute horror of finding out that someone you desperately love is not who you thought they were and then there is the absolute shame and hurt that permeates your soul when you find out the truth.

I really did not know ANYTHING about Tom's enjoyment of looking at little girls until after he died....when some pictures were found that he had downloaded from the Internet. And I still hurt everytime I think about it. And that's what has bothered me the most about his death. I have never felt a normal grief. I haven't really felt any grief in fact...and I feel that I should. And I think that is what hurts the worst. What I feel is shame and hurt and I don't think I'll ever stop feeling that whenever I think of Tom. And I feel envious of other people who have lost loved ones and who are able to feel a normal grief. I mentioned once about reading a blog written by a wonderful young mother who died of cancer last Christmas Eve. Her husband, as sad as he must be, at least can experience a normal grief. Same with the man I'm dating now. His wife died at age 45, and he, too, had the luxury of feeling a normal grief. I have learned that feeling grief is actually a blessing, as hard as it may be. Feeling grief allows us to grow as a person and to begin to heal. I just feel frozen. I feel shame when I speak of Tom.....shame for me and shame for him. It hurts me greatly when I'm told (as a few have told me), "Tom never loved you....or he would never have asked you to do those things for him, nor would he have taken on a girlfriend." As I write about him now, I hurt. Whenever I think or talk about him, I hurt. I always will. And what is REALLY hard is knowing how much most of the people who knew him, loved him. I could hardly bear all the messages of condolences that came in....each of them hurt. Because I knew that the Tom that they loved was not the man they thought they knew. Just like Ted Bundy.

But I'm a firm believer that as long as one does not let hatred enter their heart, and as long as one keeps a positive outlook, that things will work out. I always stayed positive about my relationship with Tom. I always believed that it would work out if I just stayed patient. I knew that he was drinking too much and I knew that he was closeting himself in his room, but I never, ever gave up hope. And things did work out. Not the way that I had thought, that's for sure. I never expected him to die suddenly, especially choking on a piece of steak.....but I know that he is in a happier place now and I believe totally that he did not want to be the way that he was, which is why he took such pains to hide it. I know that my financial life was made a lot easier with the insurance received after his death, and with it, I have been able to help my daughter and son-in-law and contribute to many charities. His death gave me freedom to pursue the things that I wanted to pursue in life and I am very grateful for that.

After I found out about Tom's penchant for little girls, I immediately asked my daughter if Tom had ever been inappropriate around her. Luckily she said "No", (which is good, because even though he was dead, I would've wanted to have killed him had she said "Yes"). But he always made her feel uncomfortable when she was little and once, when she was about 11 or 12 she told me that something was wrong with him. Lesson learned is to listen to children and dogs when it comes to judging other people. (Ann Rule's dog never liked Ted Bundy).

So anyway, if there is any woman out there who feels the guilt, the hurt, and the shame that I feel, I hope that this post lets you know that you are not alone....that there are many of us out there with good hearts who were totally fooled and please know that any love felt is never wasted. God knows our needs and if we remain faithful, positive things will come our way. I know that the positive thing that came into my life is the man I'm close to now. True, I met him only a few months after Tom died, but it was the right time for me. Kevin is the total opposite of Tom and he gave me hope and he gave me the right kind of love. It was hard for me to accept it as being true at first, but Kevin never let me doubt. He is good to me in all the RIGHT ways.
And for that, I love him dearly and will be forever grateful to the powers that be for letting us find each other, for I am good for him as well. The more that Kevin's love fills my heart the more I can deal with the hurt and the shame that Tom left me. I try to just remember the good times with Tom (and there were many), but overlying all of those good times is the underlying hurt, so I can't even enjoy the good memories. But, time heals. And I count my many blessings.

Valentine's Day

What a nice time I've had these past few days! What have I done? Nothing.....which is what makes it even nicer! Well, I take it back, I did manage to complete some 1099's and get them mailed out and I also did a payroll, but other than that, I just relaxed. Which is good, because starting tomorrow I will be working nonstop for a few weeks. Tomorrow is when I head for St. Louis to return to the Tom Rose School of Professional Dog Training. It is soooo nice of Tom to let me pick up where I left off. I'll be in St. Louis for at least two weeks every other month until I complete the requirements. And this time will be so different from last time. Last time was great, but I just could not seem to focus. I have several theories as to why, but it really doesn't matter....the fact is that I didn't. But I still learned a lot. But this time will be different. I understand dogs better and I am already much better organized. Before it just seemed like a fun thing to do but I wasn't inspired to put in the time needed for success. This time I am on a mission......a mission to prove that I can do it!

But back to Valentine's Day! Kevin gave me a beautiful summer robe which I really like! We thought about going out to dinner, but decided that we'd rather just sit around and get stuff done. Kevin spent the entire day filling out FAFSA forms for his twins. I am soooo glad that I don't have to do those anymore. They were such a pain, but well worth it! And I finally got the 1099's done and mailed out. Phew! That was a big item on my list. Oh, and joy, joy! My laptop finally has a printer available to it. I found a small, portable printer for around $50 and so I snapped it up! It works great and came in really handy for those 1099s.

Tonight we're just sitting around watching movies and enjoying each other's company. And I had a really nice conversation with my daughter this afternoon. I just love hearing her excitement and her plans about her dog training business. And speaking of nice conversations, I had a nice one with my friend, Kim. To my surprise, I found out that she has been following my blog (Hi Kim!). I had forgotten that I had sent her the link for it last year when I made my one and only post for 2008.

Right this minute my little maltipoo, Alex, is lying at my feet and the other dogs are spread around the room. I took Kyla into the Petsmart today and she was wonderful. But it's so interesting watching people's reactions to German Shepherds. Some people love them and several came up to me and told me how beautiful she was, but other people shrink back in fear. I do feel safer when I have her by my side. She is just so gorgeous and I'll never forget how those guys at the Motel 6 in NC were scared to death of her. Since they were rather unsavory looking characters, I was real glad that they were scared. If they only knew how gentle she is.

No Name Pub

One of the nice things about traveling by oneself is the freedom to do anything and go anywhere. And that is how I found the "No Name Pub". I was traveling down Route 1 in the Florida Keys and I saw a sign for some great pizza. The name of the pub made me laugh and I said to myself, "I have got to go see that place." And so I made about a 10 mile detour and this little pub was truly in the middle of nowhere.

The pizza was good, but the true delight was walking inside and see the walls and columns of the building filled to the brim with dollar bills! That made my eyes pop out, that's for sure! On the bills were messages from people all over the world. It was so interesting reading what everyone had said. I so truly enjoyed myself in there. The waitresses were very friendly and I enjoyed the pizza and even indulged in one beer.

When I left, did I pin one of my dollar bills to the wall for posterity? Of course! How could I not?

I sure would like to be the owner of that pub though. He or she will never have to worry about needing small change, because those walls were covered, and I mean covered every square inch with dollar bills. What a fun idea!

More Hammocks at Marathon

Since it has been almost a year since I took my Florida trip, I've been remembering it and thinking once again, what a great time that I had.

And even though I went by myself, I never once felt lonely. I had my friends to visit in Ft. Lauderdale and then there was just so much to do and see that I enjoyed every moment.

And so I was remembering again the "Hammocks at Marathon".....the place where I stayed while in the Florida Keys. And so the larger picture to the left shows why it was named the Hammocks. There were hammocks placed along the water, just like the one in the picture. I spent wonderful times, lying on there, reading a book, enjoying the perfect weather, and watching the boats and birds on the water.

The smaller picture on the upper left shows more of the outdoor restaurant/bar. It was right on the waterside too and the food and drinks were delicious! The picture shown was taken during the pirate show. The guy in the black with the red feather in his hat is one of the pirates. What FUN that was! And the smaller picture on the upper right shows one of the water views from the restaurant. I really hope to be able to go back there someday.

Remembering Dad

Today is February 13, 2009. On February 13, 1964, my best friend, and the person I loved most in the world....my father, died. In some ways it still seems like yesterday. It's really hard to believe that it has been 45 years. I was 14 then.....and 59 now. I am two years older than my Dad was when he died. Weird.

In some ways, my Dad ruined me for any other men. He's been the yardstick I've always held in my heart for what a relationship should be like. And it's not painting the memories of him with silver linings due to time passing. I knew while he was alive just how special our relationship was. Although he was in failing health for most of the years that I knew him, that just didn't matter because his failing body just seemed to make his spirit that much more special.

A good relationship, in my opinion, should be full of affection. Hugs are extremely important. But just as importantly, companionship, laughter, and talking together about anything is a must as well. Being considerate of each other is crucial and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that each person is loved unconditionally and without reservation is mandatory.

In the relationships that I've had with men since my Dad died, I've often thought that I had found what I had missed so much since his death. But in every single past relationship, it just eventually always fell short of the picture I have held in my heart for so long. I don't think it's anyone's fault. It's just been what is. Perhaps I have just been wanting too much....but the thing is, I know that such a relationship CAN exist.....it existed for me in the past with my Dad.

And so, on this 45th anniversary of his death, I look back with gratitude on having experienced the times and conversations and loving memories of him. And I'm still hopeful that I will experience the same with someone else. My present relationship looks very promising....the hugs, the talking about anything, the companionship and laughter and feelings of unconditional love are all there. But I had thought that I had found those things before, so I realize that the only true test is time. If it is real, it will not only last, it will only continue to get better as the months and years go by. Because no relationship ever stays the same. It will either get better and stronger with time, or it won't.

Dental Stuff

I didn't get to leave on the 10th for Knoxville as I had originally planned, but left on the 11th instead. The reason? My dentist! The final outcome turned out GREAT, but I had never before experienced going in for my appt and being locked out. My appointment was at 9 AM and when I arrived at 8:57 AM, the doors were locked. I waited until 9 and then I called the office. The exchange answered and told me that they were in a meeting every Tuesday until 10 AM. I said, "Well that's strange, because my appt was at 9 AM." And I knew that I had the right day and time because I had received a post card and an e-mail from them reminding me. So the exchange lady said that she would call them on their back line and put me on hold. When she came back, she said that no one had answered. Soooo....I figured that if nobody would be out until 10, that I would run some errands and I left at 9:05 AM. I thought that someone must've goofed when scheduling me.

When I arrived back at 10 AM, I learned what happened. No, they had not made a mistake in scheduling me. They knew that I was coming and a hygienist was ready to see me. However, at about 9:08 AM, someone realized that they had not unlocked the door. So they ran out to unlock the door for me, (but I had just left). By 10 AM, they could no longer reschedule me for that day, but they were able to reschedule me for 11 AM the next morning.

They were so apologetic and so nice, and I, of course, was nice.....I mean, sh*t happens...no sense in getting upset about it. So when I saw the dentist (who was also apologizing), I laughed and teasingly said to him, "Well a free cleaning would sure make up for it!" And guess what!? That's what he did! He told his staff to not charge me for my teeth cleaning. I said, "Wow! I'll be glad to be locked out every time!"

So.....I spent the rest of the day doing stuff (was able to get an appointment to get my hair done) and relaxed that evening. The next morning at 11 AM, I was back at the dentist and got everything done. I had to delay my trip because I just HAD to get my teeth cleaned (I was way overdue for one) and even more importantly, I had to get the stitches out from the implant procedure. But all's well that ends well, and so after the appointment, I was able to leave for Knoxville as planned.

Friends

Today I am cleaning up the house and getting ready for my trips to Knoxville and St. Louis. I leave tomorrow for Knoxville and on Monday for St. Louis. I'll be there for two weeks to begin finishing up my own dog school at Tom Rose. I didn't complete it this Fall, and I know that was a great disappointment to both Valerie and me.

But I also am thinking about friends. I recently read blog written by an absolutely wonderful young mother who was dying of sarcoma. She died in late December, and although I never knew her, I was very saddened. I know that her husband was devastated and in some of her last posts she was hoping that he would eventually find a new love so that the rest of his life would not be spent alone. I also know that he has a long road to travel before he can reach that point, and so I've said prayers for him.

Anyway, this woman had sooo many friends. When her husband posted about her death, there were about 400 comments. Geez, if I died, I'd be lucky to get 5 comments....and so I got to thinking about what and why some people have tons of friends and others have very few. I think that it's the way we approach the world. And then I started thinking about what I used to be like. Until I was 10 years old, I was one of the most popular girls in school. I loved everybody and they loved me. Then when I was 11, I began to change, to pull back, to get very reserved. I remember that my 7th grade English teacher told the class that I was an introvert.
(We were talking about introverts and extroverts at the time and I was used as the introvert example). I don't consider myself an introvert anymore, but I still tend to travel the world alone, with only a few special people.

From about age 11 until now, my persona has been more "Get away from me". I still like people, but I haven't maintained any of my friendships from my youth nor do I have many friends now. Thanks to Facebook and classmates.com, a few have contacted me, but I've still been fairly standoffish. And why is that? I don't know. I really don't. That is a journey that I want to start working on this year. I feel so sad and guilty that I've let so many people in my past go by the wayside. I wonder if, even at this stage in my life, I can pick up some of those friendships and forge ahead with new ones.

Dog Park

Yesterday, (Sunday) was really fun! I met Valerie, Hans, and their friends Jessica & Byron at the Hanover County Dog Park. What a nice place it was! It even had a separate area for my dog Sam, (who can't be in the regular area because he is too dog aggressive). I was a little bit worried at first about my little Maltipoo, Alex, because most of the other dogs were so much bigger, but Alex charged in there as though he owned the place and before long he had a whole pack of dogs following him, wanting to play. I really wish that I had brought my camera along so that I could show pictures of it, but I didn't, so that's the way it goes.

My German Shepherd, Kyla, was much more watchful. She was excited when she saw all of the other dogs, but for about the first 30 minutes she just stayed near us and checked out the place. Eventually she started running and playing too.

Afterwards we met at Barnes & Noble for a parting meal before Valerie and Hans hit the road to go back to North Carolina. Hans is off today (Monday) and I was SO GLAD that he was able to go down there with Valerie as I hate the thought of her driving by herself at night. I know that I drive at night all the time, but I am 59 years old, and therefore somewhat safer from predators who like to prey on young girls. Now is that sounding like a Mom or what? But it IS a more dangerous world out there for sweet, young things than it is for old hags like me.

Hans will be driving back to Richmond tonight and so Valerie will be without a car on Tuesday & Wednesday. But since Hans is also off on Friday, he will be driving back down to NC on Thursday night and will be able to drive home with Valerie this coming weekend.

Tarheel Canine, Friday, February 6, 2009

And thus began my final day being with my daughter at her dog training school. Again, I stayed in the motel in the morning mainly because I needed to pack and clean up. But I met her at noon for lunch at the bagel place, and then we hit the road to head back to Richmond. After about 45 minutes of driving, (we caravaned again), Valerie called me and told me that she was just too sleepy to drive any farther. So we pulled off at a Sheetz, where she slept for about 30 minutes and I walked the dogs and read my book.

As before, we stopped at The Oasis for our midway stop, and once we reached Interstate 95, we stopped caravaning and she went on home, and I, (sucker that I am for Cracker Barrel), stopped at the Cracker Barrel near Emporia, VA, and read my book, and reflected on what a GREAT week it had been! I felt sad that I wouldn't be seeing Valerie every day anymore, but I felt grateful that I was able to share such an important part of her life.

Tarheel Canine, Thursday, Feb 5, 2009

The video shown here shows Valerie doing the bite work. In this video, she was not injured, so I enjoy watching it. Isn't it cool?

We all had a group lunch again today.....this time at Ruby Tuesday. I so enjoy those lunches, mainly because it is so interesting listening to all the cop stories. The guys today were from departments in Georgia and North Carolina. It's really neat hearing the stories from the police point of view. And they are human, and they sometimes get scared, but they LOVE their jobs. Those of us in the general public are very fortunate to have such dedicated public servants. I personally think that the canine corps of police are extra special people.

Tarheel Canine, Wednesday, Feb 4, 2009

Well, I can see right now that I need to make a more concerted effort to post to my blog on the days that activities are taking place....or at least every couple days or so. Why? Because the last few days of being at the dog school are kind of a blur as to what was done. I do know a couple of specific things that I did on Thursday and Friday, but for Wednesday, I can't remember what things actually took place that day and which took place on the other days. Is this what is known as a "senior moment?"

But at least I still have some pictures of my beautiful daughter to post. I am just so happy that she is so happy with her work here. She's going to be very successful in her business endeavors once she graduates from the school. There is no doubt in my mind about that! She has such great business ideas and such advanced customer service skills.

The man standing watching her examine the German Shepherd in the upper left hand corner picture is a guy who is at the school for two weeks. He just mainly wants to learn some things for his own personal use. He's really nice! His name is Tim and he inadvertently became Valerie's first student. And hey, he's a good guy to know since after this he reports to Quantico for FBI special agent training.

This evening Valerie and I went to the Barnes & Noble, which is about 25 miles away in Fayetteville. I really enjoyed the evening. Valerie wanted to finish some homework and I enjoyed reading my book and talking with her.

Tarheel Canine, Tuesday, Feb 3, 2009

Today was "Bite Day". That is where the dogs practice their protection, i.e. attack techniques. It was Valerie's first time at being a handler, and as you can see from the picture at the left, she got pretty bruised.

I went into Sanford with Valerie this morning and we had breakfast at a genuine New York Bagel shop. The owner was from Long Island. Yum! Those bagels were sure good! I stayed at the school all morning and watched the training and then for lunch Val and I went back to the same bagel shop.

Afterwards, I stayed at the school and watched the classes until 3:30. I left because I was starting to feel really sick (nauseated) and I could not stay there one more minute! As a result, I missed seeing Valerie get bitten. (She had the protection suit on, but those dogs jaws are strong!) I have a mixed reaction. Part of me really wishes that I could have seen her work out in the protection suit, and the other past of me knows that I would've gotten terribly upset at seeing her get hurt, so all in all, it's probably best that I missed it.

Because I was still feeling so queasy when we got back to the motel, we just ordered pizza from Pizza Hut. The motel is right next to it, so I just walked over and picked it up. I absolutely did not feel like going out to eat. We think that maybe the Vicodin was affecting me (I had a prescription for my gums), so I decided that I would just take one pill at night from now on.

At the back of the Motel 6 is a big field, far from the roads, and the dogs just LOVE running and playing there. I am having so much fun here. I had planned to leave Wednesday morning, but I decided to extend my stay until Friday and just "caravan" back to Richmond with Valerie when she goes home for the weekend.

Tarheel Canine, Monday, Feb 2, 2009

On Monday morning, I woke up and to my delight, I was able to stay in bed while my daughter drove to school. It was so nice taking my time with a refreshing shower and then just piddling the morning away.

I arrived at the school in time for lunch and to my surprise, it was one of the instructor's birthdays and so everyone planned to go to a Japanese restaurant in Sanford called Yamato's. So on my first full day of visiting my daughter, I was able to meet all of the other students and the instructors.

What a nice group of people they were! The majority of the students are K-9 officers from various police forces around the country so that was really cool! They were all such nice young men and they sure did love their dogs!

After lunch I stayed and watched Valerie for a while, and then I went out and explored parts of Sanford. I went to a local coffee shop that Valerie and I had gone to back in October while visiting the school and had a nice relaxing time reading my book.

I picked Valerie up at 5:00 and we went out to dinner and then we were both very tired so we went back to the motel, watched TV, and chilled. All in all, a very nice day!

Tarheel Canine, Sunday, Feb 1st, 2009

My goodness! What a busy week this has been! I went to Sanford, NC, to visit my daughter at the school where she is studying to be a dog trainer, Tarheel Canine. It was so much fun! In the evenings when we returned to the motel, all I felt like doing was watching TV and zoning out, so I did not upload pictures or write on my blog, so now I have some catching up to do! I will go by memory and start from day 1 which was last Sunday, February 1st.

We left Richmond later than we had originally planned and we decided to "caravan", meaning that we followed each other all the way down.

I was afraid that being on the interstate that we would get separated, but we didn't. There is a wonderful stop about halfway down at a place called "The Oasis" so we stopped there and I got some great Dunkin' Donut coffee. The whole trip takes about 4 hours and when we arrived in Sanford, Valerie was so tired. I had made reservations at the Motel 6, which is about 25 miles south of her school and she told me that if her bed had been made up, she would've just stopped at the dorm instead of driving the extra miles.

That Motel 6, in Aberdeen, was one of the nicest that I have seen. I chose it because they allow dogs and don't charge extra for them. True, their brochures say just one dog per room, but I've learned that as long as there are no complaints, they look the other way when you have more than one....and since we had FOUR, I figured that was the place to stay. And after riding in the car for 4 hours, those dogs were ready to PLAY!!! It was so cute watching them. But it was even nicer to get to sleep. And thus ended the first day.