Friends

Today I am cleaning up the house and getting ready for my trips to Knoxville and St. Louis. I leave tomorrow for Knoxville and on Monday for St. Louis. I'll be there for two weeks to begin finishing up my own dog school at Tom Rose. I didn't complete it this Fall, and I know that was a great disappointment to both Valerie and me.

But I also am thinking about friends. I recently read blog written by an absolutely wonderful young mother who was dying of sarcoma. She died in late December, and although I never knew her, I was very saddened. I know that her husband was devastated and in some of her last posts she was hoping that he would eventually find a new love so that the rest of his life would not be spent alone. I also know that he has a long road to travel before he can reach that point, and so I've said prayers for him.

Anyway, this woman had sooo many friends. When her husband posted about her death, there were about 400 comments. Geez, if I died, I'd be lucky to get 5 comments....and so I got to thinking about what and why some people have tons of friends and others have very few. I think that it's the way we approach the world. And then I started thinking about what I used to be like. Until I was 10 years old, I was one of the most popular girls in school. I loved everybody and they loved me. Then when I was 11, I began to change, to pull back, to get very reserved. I remember that my 7th grade English teacher told the class that I was an introvert.
(We were talking about introverts and extroverts at the time and I was used as the introvert example). I don't consider myself an introvert anymore, but I still tend to travel the world alone, with only a few special people.

From about age 11 until now, my persona has been more "Get away from me". I still like people, but I haven't maintained any of my friendships from my youth nor do I have many friends now. Thanks to Facebook and classmates.com, a few have contacted me, but I've still been fairly standoffish. And why is that? I don't know. I really don't. That is a journey that I want to start working on this year. I feel so sad and guilty that I've let so many people in my past go by the wayside. I wonder if, even at this stage in my life, I can pick up some of those friendships and forge ahead with new ones.