Preamble

Let me start out by saying that today was really a great day! But now, for some truth. The main reason I didn't post much last week was because I realized that I had made a mistake in thinking that I could just breeze into the school for two weeks every other month and expect to finish. There is just too much going on and when I arrived at the campus last Tuesday morning I felt like a total interruption (even though I really wasn't....I just felt like it) and I wondered "What in the heck am I doing here?" I mostly just watched because I felt totally lost.

Last week was what I'll call my "jumper cable" week. I realized SO MUCH as to what was truly going on last year. And once I processed it all, I realized that I should never have started Tom Rose last year because I just wasn't ready. I could not focus on anything and I had no drive. I realize now it was because I was depressed, but I didn't realize it while it was going on. People kept telling me to not travel around so much, and on that part I really disagree with them because traveling around is how I begin to process traumatic events that have happened to me. For example, traveling to the Outer Banks last year was VERY good for me. No doubt about it! But starting a whole new MAJOR project such as the Tom Rose School was something that I should have waited to do.

While watching last week, I realized that things that were just too difficult for me to do this past summer, really were not difficult at all. It was just because I couldn't focus. Last week I realized so many things. I realized that depth of the shame I felt about husband Tom and I realized the depth of the many wrongs I have inadvertently done to my daughter. Last week was not fun at all, believe me!

I talked with Tom Rose about some things, such as feeling so ashamed of not finishing his course and he was wonderful! He said that no one is a quitter who keeps trying. And although he figured that the two weeks every other month wouldn't work, he didn't want to discourage me from trying. He absolutely wants me to come back to the school for the next semester (at no charge!) and try again. And I know that in my heart that until I successfully finish this course I will be crippled....because for the rest of my life I will feel shame in not finishing it. I know that I'm ready for it now. Today proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. My whole attitude was different. Plus I know that I should have several more years of being able to teach part-time (I absolutely don't want to work full-time anymore or be beholden to anyone), but even part-time teaching (12 hours per week) should give me an extra $20,000 per year which I can use for vacations or extra stuff. I really need to do this.

This past week was also a very healing week. It's weird, but until last week I could never think about husband Tom without feeling pain, pain, and more pain. And for some reason (thanks be to God), the pain has gone into the background. I'm truly, truly ready to move forward now. And I've got the blessing of seeing my daughter happy in her endeavor, and the blessing of being loved by a really, really good man. There is no room for pain in my life anymore and for that, I am very grateful.

The large picture on the bottom is of the main training building, and the picture on the top left is of the inside of the small training building and the picture on the top right is of the outside of the small training building.